Bits and Pieces of Life

No offense, blog.com, but YOU SUCK.  My highly uninspirational thoughts and ramblings can now be found at http://goodintentionstoo.blogspot.com .  Harrumph, someone had already claimed my name there, but oh well.  Fairwell dear blog; you have served me, umm, pretty well, for the most part.  :)  

    So they did some sort of site maintenance, and now none of my sidebar is showing up... hmmm.  :(  Stupid blogging technical people.

    That in a nutshell describes me right now.  So yesterday wasn't all bad.  As luck would have it, another person wanted that morning shift, and called to ask if she could have it.  Yes, gladly!  So I only had to work last night.  It wasn't that bad, but I was in a terrible mood for no apparent reason (blame it on PMS maybe?).  It went downhill when I still didn't have the nerve to say more than two words to J; I'm pathetic, and even watched him walk out the door without saying goodbye.  Hmm, that may have been a large part of the bad mood right there, I was thoroughly annoyed at myself.  That annoyance was then directed at everyone else.  Except my tables, I made excellent tips.  Don't worry, I wasn't mean to anyone, I was just silent and glaring and unresponsive. 
    Today... where to start with today.   Is there such a thing as the fall blues?  I don't even know how I feel today.  It just feels like a few days ago I was this happy-go-lucky kid with basically nothing to complain about (except all the superficial stuff I whine about in here every day) and all of a sudden the past couple days something's just not right.  I don't feel like myself and I don't like it.  I'm not sick, I'm not just in a bad mood, I'm just not me.  Something's going on in my head, it's like it wants to explode into a million tiny pieces and fly in all directions.  I still don't have anything to complain about; it's one of those, nothing is wrong, but nothing feels right type things.  I don't get it, and it's driving me nuts.
    When I left work tonight I had this crazy, unbelievably strong urge to get out of the city for a while.  There was about a 20 degree temperature drop between yesterday and today, and today was basically the most perfect fall day ever.  It was in the 60's and sunny.  I wanted to lay in the grass and stare at the sky all day.  I still want to.  I feel like that would cure whatever's wrong with me.  I want to go riding like crazy. 
    I just feel... defeated. 
   
   

    A) I only want what I can't have.  Is that the problem here?  I have all these options, but realized that I'm currently only interested right now in the one person that hasn't made their interest obvious to me.  Maybe that's the problem. 
    B) I'm too picky and critical.  I go on a date with a person, and instead of sitting and talking and trying to get to know the person, I'm sitting and making a list of every reason I can pick out why it's not going to work with that person.  I don't think that's a good thing. 
    C) I'm a big confused mess, and my subconscious knows that I just don't really need to be dating anyone right now.  Therefore, if anyone starts to get a little too close for comfort, I instantly have to push them away.  Hmm, now that's a possibility.
    D) None of the above, I'm overanalyzing this and need to quit thinking.  I wish it was that one, but I don't know. 

Anyway... There will not be a second date with guy from last night.

Work sucked, I was there 4 and a half hours for a whopping $12.  Yeesh, that's pretty bad.  Stayed and ate with T, who completely and unnecessarily walked me to my car in the middle of the day, and declared that his fun was over for the day now that I was going home.  He tried to buy me lunch today, but I wouldn't allow that.  Then, because I was so insistent about that he called me stubborn, and said he liked that.  Arrrgggh. 

K sat with us while we ate and commented on how we kept saying the same things, having the same facial expressions, etc. etc.

Got suckered into doing a double tomorrow, on Friday.  That should be mucho exciting.  I'm going to be in a wonderful mood come the end of tomorrow night.  What's that word again?  Oh yeah, N-O.  Yikes, yikes, yikes.  Maybe it will be a slow Friday... wishful thinking.

    It's after 12 again!  I give up, I can't help it when I close at work and don't get home till now.  Oh well, just know that it's REALLY still Tuesday night.  I missed my two TV shows tonight, forgot to record them, oh well again.  Work sucked, I was just kind of in a blaaah sort of mood tonight, that doesn't go over well with customers when you're a waitress.  But as usual, T made the night bearable.  I don't know what I'd do without him there, he did half my closing work for me... again.  Actually more than half if you take into consideration that my half was the easy stuff, and he did the hard work.  Then he walked me to my car and talked to me in the parking lot for like a half hour.   This big part of me wants to not like him, for obvious reasons, and he's really just not my type!  On the other hand, we just seem to have a scary amount of things in common.  Every conversation we have we seem to come up with about exactly the same things to say, and same thoughts on things.  And he's just hilarious! 
    Moving on...No J tonight, which I kind of figured after I thought about it.  I sort of have figured out that he must have Mondays and Tuesdays off.  They're the slowest nights, so we have a lot of sort of "backup" cooks running things because there's usually not a whole lot of rushing to do.  And I remembered that last Tuesday when I went in to get my schedule he wasn't working (I was hoping he'd be there too, since I was in regular clothes and looked kinda nice for once).  So he'll be there tomorrow, which I have off.  Hmmm.  Arrgggh, I quit, with all of it. 
    Did I mention I have a date tomorrow night?  With someone I haven't even mentioned in here yet?  Why I said yes I'm not entirely sure.  Because I suck at saying no?  I also suck at checking people's closing work.  I hate having to ask people to go back and fix things, I'm too nice.  Except the people I don't like, those ones are fun.  You need to fix this and this and this and this... evil grin.  :)  
    Text Twist is calling me.  Off to hone my letter unscrambling skills.     

    So now it's actually Tuesday.  I guess it was before too, but it was also last night.  Which would be Monday night.  Who says that it has to be Tuesday at midnight anyway?  Geez.  Anywho... I'm bored.  And I am absolutely addicted to Text Twist.  It's this great game on MSN games.  I could, and do, sit and play it forever and ever on end.  That's what I've been doing since I woke up.  Well, that and putting the new license plate I got on the front of my car, but that took all of 5 minutes.  I need something to do.  Maybe I'll go work on that, or maybe I'll play some more Text Twist.  :)  

    Funny how it comes around every week.  It never feels like Monday to me though, because I always end up working one or more weekend days, so there's really no difference.  Tonight was a blast too; I closed for the first time.  We were dead, so I didn't make much, but it was fun.  T was there, as always.  I guess I never really explained his situation.  Apparently he's worked there for a while, but right before I got there he got a DUI, and basically got screwed over.  Now, I'm not FOR drunk driving or anything, but he got a judge that had a daughter killed by a drunk driver.  That's horrible, yes, but conflict of interests anyone?  So he ended up in jail for a first offense of any kind DUI.  Sucks, but he gets work release, so he works every single day, usually a double, to be out as much as he can. 
    I can't get past the jail thing.  I mean, I know it's not like he's some hardened criminal, and he seems like a good guy otherwise, but it's just weird.   So right now there's no doing anything outside of work anyway.  I dunno, we'll see what happens after he gets out in mid-November sometime.   Meanwhile, he still makes work SOO much fun, and he got me out of there tonight probably a half hour earlier than it would have been otherwise.  He helped me out so much!  It was sweet.
    Then there's J, who is just sooo much more my type.  Lil quiet, like me, the tall, dark and handsome type.  I've also heard from our lil birdies that he doesn't think I'm bad either.  But the problem with two quiet people is... who's ever gonna ask the other person out?  Haha, he's actually a cook, so he's always back in the kitchen, and anything I try to say, everyone is going to hear.  Makes it a little tough.  I'm working on it though.  And then I've also got T all over me all the time, joking around and laughing in front of J, which would probably explain why he was a lil surprised to find out I liked him.   I get all butterflyish thinkin about J, and get all flustered at work when he's back there and forget what I'm doin... and I can't say that about ANYONE else recently.  'Cept for SW.  Go figure.
    PLUS I got another date offer tonight.  This guy came in a week or two ago and left me a ridiculous tip on a $10 bill, and he was in there again tonight.  I was sitting back at a computer, and he came back and started talking to me and asked me out.  Geeez.  Played the boyfriend card again; it's the nicest way to say no, right?  You know, I don't know if I even really want to date ANYBODY right now.  Seriously.  Maybe there's a reason why I blow everyone off after a date or two. 
    Good grievousness... this is like a lil high schooler post, talkin about all my crushes, haha.   Oh, and in here somewhere are the two R's that I'm kind of avoiding.  This is getting ridiculous.  I close again at work tomorrow night, and can't help hoping J works, maybe if we close together I'll actually get to talk to him a little.

    That was probably really dumb, but what can I say, shit happens.  So they had this big going away party last night for one of the girls at work, who is going into the marines.  I decided what the hell and went, in the hopes that J would show up; I know I know, there's another one.  I ended up having a few drinks, nothing too excessive, and chatting for a while with some of my coworkers.  Someone called the cops on our little get together.  It ended up not being a big deal, they just kind of came and went, but I've already had an underage consumption and I wasn't really looking to make it two, so I was not at all happy when this happened. 
    At this point it's like 2:30 and all I want to do is go home and go to bed, but now I can't do that because of course the cops are going to hang out around there and catch people on the way out.  Definitely don't need that either.  So there I sat, with a bunch of people I don't really know all that well, semi-drunk, and ready to pass out.  Not exactly the night I had planned.  I ended up stuck there till 4ish, when a couple other people and I braved the alternate route that the apartment owners said the cops wouldn't be on. 
    I got exactly 4 hours of sleep before I got sick.  I really don't think I was sick from drinking, I don't think I drank enough to make me as sick as I was ALL day.  And of course, I'm scheduled to be at work at 4:30 today.  I barely made it there, and all I can say is THANK GOODNESS for overscheduling, I only had to stay an hour and a half.  All this back story to say though, leaving was probably really dumb either way.  All the managers are aware of this party last night, and probably assumed, maybe wrongly, maybe rightly, that I was just slacking out of work with a hangover.  Hmmm, maybe not a good impression for them to have.  But I really didn't drink that much, and really don't know why I got so sick.  :(  Oh well, guess I need to do an extra good job for a lil bit here.
    Let's add this one to the OOPS list.

    I did not have ANY business driving home right now... and that's all I have to say.  Bedtime.

    Oh MY!  What a day.  I gave away my lunch shift today so my dad and I could go down to the state fair in Perry.  It was good to spend some quality time with the dad, and it was great driving down there in today's perfect weather in his brand spankin new convertible.  :)  I'm so jealous... but anyway, it was really fun.  You don't really hear the southern accent so much living around Atlanta, and I don't have it at all, if anything I have an Ohio accent, but Perry is about 2 hours South of here.  It was soooo funny, everywhere you turned you heard that slooow southern accent.  I almost wouldn't mind picking it up, as far as accents go I kinda like that one.     
    We spent way too much money on and ate way too much fair food, but it was soooo good, and probably too much money on the arts and craftsy stuff, but you can only walk around for so long before you start convincing yourself you need some of it.  We also got sucked in, and paid a dollar each to see the 3,200 pound steer.  I think it was worth it, that animal was HUGE!  Too bad they didn't allow pictures, I definitely would have posted one.  We also watched a pig race, which was too adorable.  They get these little pot-bellied pigs to race by putting Oreos at the finish line, and wouldn't you know it, those little guys ran their hearts out for the cookies.  They also had tigers (maybe THE most gorgeous animals on the planet, except for horses, of course), and alligators, and generally just more animals than I ever remember fairs having back in the day when I used to do the fair thing every year.
    However, the highlight of my day at the fair was the helicopter.  I'd never been in a helicopter before, and it was always one of those things I wanted to do when I saw people giving rides.  I finally did it today.  So it's a TOTAL rip-off, and the ride lasts like a minute and a half, but it was SOOOO fun I would have paid for another 10 rides if I'd had the money.  There were no doors, and I sat on the outside, so it's just you and the air, and the view!  The view was amazing.  I must've been grinning like a little kid in a candy store when I got off of that thing; my dad made fun of me. 
    What a day, what a day.  Sigh, time for bed.  :)